Thursday, April 30, 2009

250 Miles Per Hour

This is the Shanghai maglev train from the airport to the city. 20 miles, 8 minutes, top speed of 430 km/h. Too bad it doesn’t go all the way to the city center. You have to take the metro or a taxi the rest of the way.

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Shanghai Metro

You think you've seen a metro system? This is a metro system:

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See Thru Shower

There are many reasons why you'd want your shower to have a glass wall. Namely so you can stand in it with your clothes on and take a picture.

Nothing says, "I'm in a fancy hotel" like a see thru shower. This is the Regal East Asia hotel in Shanghai.

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Gumbi Knock Off

Would someone please tell the Shanghai World Expo 2010 Committee that their logo is just a bluer and shorter Gumbi? Their version of the story is that this completely original mascot is based on the chinese character for the word "people"...and Gumbi.

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KFC Delivers

The slightly more asian looking KFC colonel delivers! On a bicycle! So it's official...delivering their food creates less pollution than cooking their food, which is more than a raw vegan could say. I swore I saw a McDonalds motorcycle in Beijing but could not confirm if they deliver.

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Parking Vertical

Is this really the best way to park 8 cars when the empty space next to it could probably fit 8 cars? I can see the morning gridlock as each car comes down one by one like a ferris wheel. On the other hand, it beats stack parking. You never have to call anyone to move their car.

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Bamboo Scaffolding

Hey, what are you going to do with all the bamboo?

Scaffolding? Awesome. Never has a country so bad on human rights been so good on the environment.

And when you're done with the scaffolding, let's use it to scoop trash out of the sewer. Is there anything bamboo can't do?

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Curved Escalator

Planes fly, we landed on the moon, I studied engineering for 7 years. But a curved escalator? Nothing prepared me for this:

I rode it but I still have no idea how it works.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

No Spitting

I’ve always wondered what’s the international symbol for spitting. Excellent. I like that slow motion tracking effect.

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Monday, April 27, 2009

Free Lighters for Everyone

Oh, how cool, free lighters for everyone when you get off a plane! Could this be a generous gift from the Chinese Airport Authority? or could it be that before getting on the plane, you encountered a very similar box except that one said "Your lighter stays here". So that’s what happens to all the lighters. Makes a whole lot more sense than throwing them away. Maybe communal nail scissors are in order? What about that bottle of water I had to leave behind? I guess I haven't noticed this before in the US on account of there aren't a billion of us and we don't all smoke.

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No Footprints

For all my mocking of signs, this one gets no criticism. It's actually cute, useful, and very clear.

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Urinal Instructions

This urinal came with instructions, or shall I say, some advice. Can't argue with that, just not too close, eh? At the end of the day, what keeps it cleaner is good aim.

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Water Calligraphy

This is interesting. I suppose it's some type of ancient art form that I never heard about. I call it "water calligraphy". It's a tube where the bottom has a thick brush in a cut up plastic bottle that absorbs water supplied by a bottle at the top. It's ovbviously not permanent but it doesn't smear and remains for longer than I expected.

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Middle of Nowhere. 5 Bars

T-mobile barely works in the San Fernando Valley. That might be different if China Mobile had a license here. They seem to be able to cover every square inch. Surely, I thought, email couldn’t find me on a hill in the middle of other barren hills in the middle nowhere climbing up a steep 1000 year old wall to keep out Mongolians on horses. Nope, I got 5 bars.

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The Great Wall... The Ride

Taking a hint from their capitalist rivals, a cultural and historical site wouldn’t be complete without installing some type of amusement ride. There's no better Great Wall souvenir than a picture of you falling in a hollowed out log and splashing into the water. No wait, I'm thinking of something else.

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Invaders Cafe

The Great Wall, just as the ancient Chinese built it. Not wanting to be completely inhospitable hosts, they provided some much need services to their would be invaders. Afterall, their enemies who were sure to be stuck at the wall would need a toilet, lounge, and café while they retrenched and devised a new battle plan

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Remind Me What This Is For

In case you weren’t sure what this device is, there’s a sign on it. Ohhhh, a drinking fountain. Right. I think you can put your face a little bit closer than shown.

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Don't Light Firecrackers

Ya, thanks for the tip.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Year of the Sheep Monkey

Like the Chinese, the Buddhists represent years with 12 animals, but they do it in 8 year cycles. Therefore they double up on 4 of them. But who the hell is supposed to know that? As far as I'm concerned, this sign clearly shows we're coming up on the year of the sheep monkey.

Of these other mythological creatures, the dragon snake sounds kind of normal while the dog pig and ox tiger just don't sound amusing. But a sheep monkey, who wouldn't pay to see one of those?

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Mental Problems Not Allowed

The Confucian temple has a number of standard rules. No littering, no explosives, no graffiti, etc. Half way down you'll find "No admittance for drunkards and people with mental problems." Not to criticize the intent, but maybe there's a more PC way to say it; mainly not to put mental problems and being drunk in the same category.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Don't Burn Film

I'll admit, it's not easy to write this clearly on a sign. The problem is that film can either be a verb or noun. But some options include:
"No incense burning. No photography."
"Don't burn incense and don't film."
But when you write it like this it really sounds like I might want to burn film:

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Four Star Toilet

It seems the Beijing Tourism Administration likes to do two things. One is, they go around rating toilets. The other is, when they find one that's 4 stars, they issue a really big plaque to commemorate the occasion.

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Employing the Masses

One way to curb unemployment is to create a lot of "filler" jobs. Such job titles include "bus line sign holder". Help commuters find exactly where bus #5 will be stopping. In all honesty, this is a great idea. I want to find the bus. Unemployed people want a job. The government's paying them anyway. I smell synergy.

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World's Smallest Tea Set

Is there a tea shortage around here or something? C'mon this is silly.
Did I just walk into a restaurant or a dollhouse pawn shop?

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Disposable Tea Cups

Here's a very eco-friendly product. Turn every disposable paper cup into a tea cup. Drink stays warm, handle stays cool. Don’t need Styrofoam to insulate or a fold-out paper handle that breaks anyway.

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Origin of Corn Beef

Perhaps I’ve discovered the origin of the term "corn beef"?

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China's Low Prices

Sometimes we're surprised by the low prices of things made in China. Well, imagine a price so low even Chinese people are surprised. Frankly, I don't think the price is the only surprise.

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Bags of Jellyfish

It looked like a table of reusable clear ice packs, but upon closer inspection, no, it’s packaged jellyfish. I'll let you know how it tastes just as soon as I finish my bag of shrimp crackers.

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Friday, April 10, 2009

Things To Mind

There’s the usual things to mind, like the gap, the step, or your head, but here’s some new things.
Just the thought of this could really hurt:

At what point is a "mind the" sign not really alerting you to any possible danger?

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You Are Here

I'm not sure if it was done in preparation for the Olympics but there are a lot of maps and signs around town with english to help you find your way. Some of the "You Are Here" signs were more useful than others.
With a map, useful:

A sign stating a fact, not so useful:

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Clever Lamp Award

And the clever lamp award goes to...these guys. Go ahead, turn it on. I guess not everything made in china finds its way over here.

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Excellent Food Presentation

Never saw an apple cut up like that before.

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Funky Building

This is near the Olympics area. Couldn't have been easy to build.

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Thursday, April 09, 2009

Let's Take a Picture

I was pleasantly flattered to discover that Chinese people want to take pictures with me. Perhaps it's my red hair and freckles. Perhaps it’s my warm, inviting personality. No chinese picture is complete without the obligatory peace sign.

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Wu-Mart

I know they exist but I didn't come across any Walmarts in China. I did however, find a few Wu-Mart's. Everyone knows its famous founder, Sam Wuton.

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Everyone Recycles

They may have a lead paint problem, but China's not always on the wrong side of the environment. Take recycling. You will not see a trash can by itself. Trash and recycle bins come in pairs everywhere, even fancy ones at the Temple of Heaven.


It's noteworthy that trash is never labeled "trash". Recycling is "recycling" and trash is either "non-recycling" or "other waste". This distinction is subtle but significant. We emphasize trash and think of recycling relative to trash. Recycling is the stuff that doesn't have to be thrown away. But Chinese emphasize recycling. They think of trash relative to recycling. Trash is the stuff that can't be recycled.

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Plastic Wrapped Place Settings

A lot of restaurants in Beijing had the basic place setting in a pre-packaged plastic warp. The tea cup, bowl, small saucer, etc. Obviously they're not disposable so either they constantly buy a new supply or they outsource the dish washing. If they're washing the big plates themselves, I'm not sure why they can't do the same for the small plates, or at a minimum, unwrap the set and don't just put it on the table like this. On the other hand, I do like to see that what I'm going to eat off of hasn't been tampered with or contaminated.

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Floor is the Ashtray

Smokers in restaurants don't have the most pleasant of habits. Put your ashes on the floor, leave your cigaretts butts on the floor, someone comes around and sweeps up the floor. The important thing for restaurant owners is to not install carpet floors.

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Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Busy Chefs

No wonder this restaurant is so slow. It takes a whole crew of chefs to put your name on every grain of rice.

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Mmm...Shrimp Crackers

Shrimp flakes and prawn crackers. Proof that you can turn anything into a cracker.

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Che Guevara Souvenirs

I came all the way to China in the hopes I could find some Che Guevara memorabilia. Or better yet, a Che/Mao matching set of bags.

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Equation Bridge

Why are these guys so good at math? Or maybe because they like math so much. They decorate bridges with equations.

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Familiar Logo

Recognize this logo? Sure you do. It's Leymo Coffee. One sip and you'll be convinced; this coffee is leymo.

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Paid Placement on Exit Signs

What does this sign have to do with online search engines? You can't see it too well without viewing the big version, but this unassuming metro exit sign had several businesses on it like restaurants and hotels which I imagine were paid for. Simple text ads that don't look like ads, relevant, targeted, location based, and conspicuously blending into the real content. Most likely a high conversion rate.

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Room for one more?

I've seen crowded metros. I've ridden in crowded metros. But I finally met a train I couldn't fit into.

The metro system is good, it's efficient, it's cheap, but you're still better off taking a taxi.

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More Food on a Stick

It's my favorite thing to look at but not eat. Various meats and small creatures on a stick.

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Food Keeps Coming

I'm hotpot's newest fan. It was difficult getting the noodles out with chopsticks, but everything else was good. I'm quite certain I only ordered one dish, but the food kept coming. Fortunately the volume of food decreases upon boiling. I didn't touch the frozen bean curd. Would have been nice to know it's just tofu.

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Handlebar Gloves

Gloves built into the handlebars. Just stick your hands in and go. Super clever.

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Rickshaw Traffic Jam

I keep calling these rickshaws. I guess whether you're walking or pedaling, it's still the same name. Maybe more accurate is a "rickshaw tricycle". Anyway, get enough of these in a narrow street and you've got a traffic jam.

These guys may have been busy but elsewhere in Beijing, like outside the forbidden city, they're aggresively looking for customers. Perhaps they suffer from a reputation of overcharging or perhaps it's just cheaper to take a taxi, but either way, declining 20 rickshaws seems to just make the 21st rickshaw even more certain that he's just the guy I'm looking for.

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Wait in the Vehicle

If more Americans did their errands on bikes, this would be the equivalent of "I'll be quick. Wait in the car". Gotta trust those kickstands.

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Family Outing on Two Wheels

Making the most of a scooter. Kid up front, someone else behind. Prius, eat your heart out. You can't get that kind of mileage with 3 people. Then again, you do better in crash tests, especially side impact.

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Smoking on Two Wheels

Lot of smokers. Lot of bikers. Bound to catch someone doing both. Hey, he's not trying to win any races, but still seemed odd. Then again, there is a long history of smoking and biking...

...just not recently.

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Chinese Capitalists Part 2

Some more small business owners. Beijing has an abundance of "sidewalk bike shops", selling locks, tubes, tires, and doing repairs. My guess is you won't find any fancy tools around here. There's nothing a screwdriver, hammer, and duct tape can't fix.

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Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Chairman Mao wants your blood.

While you wait for the next train, a friendly reminder to tap your vein and smile. It's blood donation time. Consent not required.

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Menu Says What?

I shouldn't complain because any translation is better than no translation. But obviously this was software translated and the result is the waiters are staring at me taking pictures of the menu. Let's see what culinary delights await:

These make no sense
"Morals is fallen in with stirring and mixing a dish greatly"

"Slippery sheep four treasures" and "Yan explode to distribute pellet". I stay away from anything that explodes and distributes pellets.


These do make sense. That's why they're funny.
"Chestnut clings to Chinese cabbage"

"Rake the beef strip"


At a different restaurant I discovered some more exotic dishes whose translations were correct, but worth sharing nonetheless:

Mmm...best appetizer ever. Three soy flavored duck heads.

or "Pig's ear in flavoring"

and for the champions, there's "Gold medal garlic flavored chicken". Remember, I warned you about the chicken heads.

if you're still hungry, everyone's favorite awaits. "Beijing style braised Turtle with pancake". What, you don't like pancakes?

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The Whole Chicken

Order chicken in Beijing and you might just get the whole chicken. It's easy to suffer from animal head denial. But they've all got one, and you just have to confront it on your plate. The feet too. Chopsticks anyone?

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Chinese Capitalists

Capitalism and the entrepreneurial spirit are alive and well. They might even be beating us at our own game. Take these three business owners. In China, there's no social safety net. They have to provide for themselves. So they'll sell corn, potatoes, and phone chargers. Low overhead, positive cashflow. Providing a useful service, and not relying on anyone else. Everybody wins.

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