Sunday, August 16, 2009

You're Going Too Slow

Here's a novel idea. Pull people over for going too slow. That's why there's so much traffic in LA. No speed minimum. People will just sit on the freeway going 5 mph if they know they can't get pulled over. Not to mention that enforcing a speed minimum on the 405 would pretty much solve the state budget problem.

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

That's Not Your Website

Here's a really bad idea. The name of this internet cafe is "Cafe.com" and it's shown prominently on their storefront. But guess what. They don't own the web address "cafe.com". The name of their store just happens to be in the form of web address, having nothing to do with the website http://cafe.com.

I didn't have to actually check the website to figure this out. I knew it the second I saw it. And the reason is...the domain name could be sold for way more than an internet cafe is worth. Either they own the domain, or they run an internet cafe. But there's no reason to do both.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Precise Ambiguity

This is the first time I've ever found a blogworthy sign in the US. So what's so great about this? Well, it caught my eye because of the 12:01 AM. A parking restriction down to the minute? Maybe the city is being generous and doesn't want people to feel like they have to rush back to their cars right at midnight. Or maybe the meter maid shift ends at midnight and it takes a minute for the new shift to arrive.

Let's look at this closer. There's no parking from 12:01 AM to 6 AM for street cleaning 3 nights a week. So let's get this straight, they clean it 156 times a year, and they still need to give themselves a 6 hour window to do it, cuz lord knows all the delays that can befall a street cleaning crew in San Francisco...flat tires, out of soap, hit traffic, snow, quick sand, the list goes on and on.
But let's give them some credit, they brought that window down to 5 hours, 59 minutes. One things for sure...they ain't showing up at midnight. I think the conversation went something like this:

Head of SF Transportation Department: Listen guys, Market Street is really dirty, we need you to clean it 3 times per week. But it's really busy during the day, so has to be done between 12 and 6 AM.
Street Cleaning Crew: You crazy? We ain't showing up to work at midnight.
Head of SF Transportation Department: I've got the perfect solution.

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Monday, June 15, 2009

Einbahnstrasse

How convenient! My hotel is near Einbahnstrasse and signs all over town point to Einbahnstrasse. I'll never get lost! Einbahnstrasse must be the main street in Cologne. The sign even looks a little different than all the other street names. And so, I believed this for much longer than I care to admit. Until finally, there were just too many damn Einbahnstrasse signs all over the place. Using my excellent observation skills, I discovered an important clue....the streets with an Einbahnstrasse sign had cars only going in one direction and that direction matched the arrow in the sign 100% of the time. Probably just a coincidence.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

No Spitting

I’ve always wondered what’s the international symbol for spitting. Excellent. I like that slow motion tracking effect.

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Monday, April 27, 2009

Free Lighters for Everyone

Oh, how cool, free lighters for everyone when you get off a plane! Could this be a generous gift from the Chinese Airport Authority? or could it be that before getting on the plane, you encountered a very similar box except that one said "Your lighter stays here". So that’s what happens to all the lighters. Makes a whole lot more sense than throwing them away. Maybe communal nail scissors are in order? What about that bottle of water I had to leave behind? I guess I haven't noticed this before in the US on account of there aren't a billion of us and we don't all smoke.

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No Footprints

For all my mocking of signs, this one gets no criticism. It's actually cute, useful, and very clear.

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Urinal Instructions

This urinal came with instructions, or shall I say, some advice. Can't argue with that, just not too close, eh? At the end of the day, what keeps it cleaner is good aim.

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Invaders Cafe

The Great Wall, just as the ancient Chinese built it. Not wanting to be completely inhospitable hosts, they provided some much need services to their would be invaders. Afterall, their enemies who were sure to be stuck at the wall would need a toilet, lounge, and café while they retrenched and devised a new battle plan

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Remind Me What This Is For

In case you weren’t sure what this device is, there’s a sign on it. Ohhhh, a drinking fountain. Right. I think you can put your face a little bit closer than shown.

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Don't Light Firecrackers

Ya, thanks for the tip.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Year of the Sheep Monkey

Like the Chinese, the Buddhists represent years with 12 animals, but they do it in 8 year cycles. Therefore they double up on 4 of them. But who the hell is supposed to know that? As far as I'm concerned, this sign clearly shows we're coming up on the year of the sheep monkey.

Of these other mythological creatures, the dragon snake sounds kind of normal while the dog pig and ox tiger just don't sound amusing. But a sheep monkey, who wouldn't pay to see one of those?

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Mental Problems Not Allowed

The Confucian temple has a number of standard rules. No littering, no explosives, no graffiti, etc. Half way down you'll find "No admittance for drunkards and people with mental problems." Not to criticize the intent, but maybe there's a more PC way to say it; mainly not to put mental problems and being drunk in the same category.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Don't Burn Film

I'll admit, it's not easy to write this clearly on a sign. The problem is that film can either be a verb or noun. But some options include:
"No incense burning. No photography."
"Don't burn incense and don't film."
But when you write it like this it really sounds like I might want to burn film:

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Four Star Toilet

It seems the Beijing Tourism Administration likes to do two things. One is, they go around rating toilets. The other is, when they find one that's 4 stars, they issue a really big plaque to commemorate the occasion.

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Friday, April 10, 2009

Things To Mind

There’s the usual things to mind, like the gap, the step, or your head, but here’s some new things.
Just the thought of this could really hurt:

At what point is a "mind the" sign not really alerting you to any possible danger?

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You Are Here

I'm not sure if it was done in preparation for the Olympics but there are a lot of maps and signs around town with english to help you find your way. Some of the "You Are Here" signs were more useful than others.
With a map, useful:

A sign stating a fact, not so useful:

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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Streets Beach

Brisbane is one of the only Australian cities that's not right on the coast. But not wanting to be without a beach, they made one. You can swim in the water or lie in the sand not far from the city center. The far side has a paved walkway where you can sit and dangle your feet in the water. There's a big river on the other side which I assume is the water source for this "lake".

This is the first sign I've seen which in addition to banning diving also specifically forbids cannonballs. (2nd row left)

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Yoga Off the Cliff

The edge of this cliff is a bit unstable, so you are well advised to avoid certain activities there such as the triangle pose, jumping jacks, and the YMCA dance. Also watch out for disproportionately short trees.

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Friday, April 25, 2008

London Signs

Gotta love those foreign signs:

All the things to worry about in the world, and now I also have to beware the leaning tree trunk? I'm still busy minding the gap.


No parking, no feeding pigeons. How not related can things be on 1 sign?


Don't feed pigeons, they are a nuisance and damage the square. Ya I get it, no one in London likes pigeons. Thanks for the strike thru the picture, I wasn't sure what feeding a pigeon looked like.


Do not climb, deep drop behind wall. Ok this one is legit, that wall does like fun enough and low enough to climb on, and there is a seriously big drop behind the wall. But that is a great image of the guy falling over the wall.


Now the warning is to not climb on the lion. Which would be really funny if I didn't show you the lion statue next to the sign, because everyone knows the real danger in climbing lions is the drop behind them.


This is my favorite sign, I have no clue what it means. It just says pedestrians and is in front of a gated driveway. Maybe that sticker is covering the word "no". But look at the picture. It looks like a man giving a girl a yo-yo or a pocket watch. What else can it be?

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Down Is Not Up

I don't know what the swedish word for "down" is, but I can tell you that these 3 escalators from right to left are going: up, up, and not up.
Since I took this picture in August I had planned to poke fun at the odd choice of "not up" instead of down. After all, direction is one of the few things that are always in absolute terms. Left is not "not right". North is not "not south". Down therefore should not be "not up".
But just now, 4 months later, it struck me...this sign is perfectly accurate. An escalator can be labeled as "down" only if it will take you to a lower level. If you are approaching an escalator coming down from a higher level, then unless you like treadmills, you are in fact not going up. Logic like that can really come in handy. Note to self: The door that says "do not enter" is not an exit.

I can admit when I'm wrong, so let's start keeping score.
Head of signage at the Stockholm public transportation agency: 1
David: 0

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

Don't Drive Into The Water

There seemed to be enough obstacles between the road and the river. such as benches, plants, poles, etc. But there isn't any solid railing, so the Swedish government would really like you to buy a car such as this one whose center of gravity is so far back that it can extend this much over without falling in.

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Beware of Soot

Thanks for the heads up, but what exactly does this mean? Should I beware because it will make my clothes dirty? Will it make the ground slippery? Should I not inhale it? Is the guard dog named soot? Is soot an evil force that will lead to my eventual downfall? I didn’t even see any soot around. I know what it means when a sign says “beware of dog”, but no one has ever told me how to react when there is a potential threat of soot. I therefore present this sign with the “most ambiguous sign ever” award.

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

Metric Food

I'll be first in line to support the metric system in America. Can you tell me how many gallons are in a cubic foot? I didn't think so.

However I've discovered one case where using feet is best...Subway sandwiches. Trying to sell a 30 centimeter sub just doesn't make sense. Are you trying to say that you're a better value than the guy next door selling 29 centimeter subs? No. So if you can't say "foot long sub", do Europe a favor and sell a "whole" or a "half" just like every other baguette sandwich place.

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Best Inner City

Some kind of Chinese festival was going on in Groningen so the streets had a lot of red banners and red lanterns hung over them. Then there was this banner written in English and Chinese..."Groningen The Netherlands' Best Inner City". I'm sure this a case of literal translation gone wrong because I don't think Holland has inner cities by our definition. And if they did, would you really rank them or brag about being the best? Wouldn't the best inner city not be an inner city anymore?

Perhaps this refers more to geography. Could there be a separate ranking of outer cities or coastal cities? I really should have asked someone because this is going to be on my mind for a long time.

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Saturday, July 08, 2006

Things you won't see in America, Part 3

You're all aware Holland is a tolerant place. A lot of things just aren't a big deal when your country's founders weren't Puritans. But when it comes to alcohol, the Dutch are strict. Strict like America. These signs are posted in every market. They'll card you and if you're too young, you can't buy it, don't even try. You'll just have to wait 'til your 16.

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